Having a whale of a time with the Communities Plankton
Two Gags has 'em rolling in the aisles
John Prescott was in sparkling stand-up form at the Chartered Institute of Housing's annual presidential dinner, conventiently held on the day the Communities Plan was announced.

The deputy prime minister told how he had been very keen to merge the Housing Corporation and English Partnerships, but that he was "too scared of Brenda" … and going on to talk about the Communities Plan and the need for modern construction techniques, he remarked at how outrageous it was that one simply can't find a builder, plumber or electrician to work on any of one's houses these days. But now he knows why … they are all on the Blue Watch, à la London's Burning.

Not in their name
It's this year's must-have toy: a computer game called Command & Conquer Generals.

In it, the, ahem, peace-keeping forces of the player are pitched in deadly battle against an "army of fanatics" with a "penchant for digging into caves".

The name of this "mobile, stealthy" foe? The GLA. Surely not the same as those hard-working London boys and girls?

The future for Wembley
At last – something to do with the old national football stadium.

At an excellent, if slightly overcrowded, housing conference recently in Brent, north-west London, host Martin Cheeseman, the local director of housing, was forced to apologise for the lack of space available to delegates. As the speeches rumbled on, the minds of those left standing inevitably wandered and some wondered if perhaps the nearby Wembley stadium could be pressed into service?

Indecent proposal
Perhaps the intimate proximity of so many delegates was making me feel a tad frisky, but I could have sworn that at one stage during the same event I heard Jheni Williams of the Federation of Black Housing Organisations propose a wife-swapping session funded by the Housing Corporation.

However, before you could say "the Right Honourable the Baroness Dean of Thornton-le-Fylde" the game was up – Williams merely wanted to see how others would feel if they could live in another ethnic community for a while.

The countryside has a new fan
I was quite struck by the extent to which our deputy prime minister prostrated himself at the feet – metaphorically, natch – of the rural planning lobby during his speech to the House last Wednesday.

Amid accusations from the Tories of secret briefings for favoured journalists, I couldn't help but wonder at the influence of Sir Max Hastings, new chairman of the Council for the Protection of Rural England and formerly at the helm of those august publications The Daily Telegraph and London Evening Standard.

To have and to hold meetings …

It seems the housing sector is the place to be if you are lonesome this Valentine’s Day. For one couple in particular it’s a particularly romantic occasion: Sonia Ennals, head of customer focus at United House, proposed to hubby Jim Wintour, head of housing at Waltham Forest council, on a previous Valentine’s Day. Other couples whose eyes met across the board tables include Kate Davies, chief executive of Servite Houses and Nick Johnson, director of housing at Bexley; and Charmaine Young, regeneration director at St George, who met husband Bob when they were both working in housing in Manchester.

Source

Housing Today