Smashing in gossip goals like a Roonocerous
Return to the Planet of the Apes
Wine receptions, card tricks and Euro 2004 were all part of the "entertainment" at this year's Chartered Institute of Housing jamboree. But things got surreal when one conference-goer was confronted with a 6 ft gorilla asking him to "do me up" in the gents toilet of the Old Swan Hotel.

Thankfully, the ape-man wasn't itching for a fight; he was referring to his costume. The "jungle party" hosted by housebuilder William Davis Homes on Tuesday has a lot to answer for.

Escape to victory
Picture the scene: you're in one of the most interesting Harrogate sessions but the event isn't due to finish until 15 minutes after the kick-off of England's vital Euro 2004 match against Switzerland last Thursday.

However, the clock-watching delegates at the "procurement and housing" session were treated to an impromptu demonstration of just how efficient the sector can be. Instead of 30 minutes for questions, the session was adjourned 15 minutes early, giving everyone time to get to the pub. Impressive or what? I just hope the Treasury was watching.

The king is dead. Long live the king
Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown, as all students of Shakespeare know. And it appears that Jon Rouse knows it too.

When Richard McCarthy, the ODPM's director general of sustainable communities, introduced Rouse to Harrogate delegates as the "current" chief executive of the Housing Corporation, it didn't escape his attention.

"I'm not sure if that was a threat," Rouse said, "but I'll certainly take it as such."

What's yours is mine
Government departments are not known for their loyalty to each other and, when funding is short, a favourite trick is to point the finger at the chancellor. But not diplomatic Stephen Ladyman, the minister for health who put in an appearance at Harrogate last week. When asked why his department made no contribution to the ODPM's Supporting People budgets, Ladyman replied: "Well, it's all the same government. It all comes out of the same pot."

OK, but what would Elvis do?
Teenagers in the US Bible Belt are fond of asking each other, "what would Jesus do?". Now housing folk can adopt a similar mantra: "what would Anthea do?"

CIH delegates were bemused to hear that the secret to improving service quality is to behave more like Anthea Turner.

In one session, former Blue Peter presenter Diane-Louise Jordan said: "I took an instant dislike to Anthea – she was beautiful and good at her job." But Turner helped her when a live broadcast fell apart, proving the power of positive attitude.

Next time: how to hit the decent homes standard with just two toilet rolls.

Dirty tea-leaves

Housing professionals at this year’s Harrogate conference were utterly focused on the vital task at hand – picking up every freebie in sight. One astounded exhibitor even lost a full mug of tea to the insatiable horde. He had barely turned his back on his stand for a minute when a passer-by picked up his drink, tipped the tea into a nearby pot plant and pilfered the mug. What class.

Source

Housing Today